My Coaching Philosophy
It’s probably safe to say that most parents choose to work with a parent coach because they want to change something about their child’s behavior. In turn, many people think that getting a child to change his behavior means consistently providing unpleasant consequences when that behavior is displayed. I believe strongly that parents should be in charge and children should comply with parental expectations. However, although as your coach I will be asking you to hold to your expectations pretty much without fail, I don’t assume that your child’s problem is there simply because you haven’t learned to set limits with him.
It is true that some children fail to comply with expectations primarily because parents haven’t taught them that they’re actually required to do so, but I’ve found that most children’s unwanted behaviors occur because the child is unaware of a viable alternative for getting his needs met. There’s usually a very legitimate “logic” to children’s misbehavior, and a big part of my job is to discover and understand the problem behavior from the child’s perspective – and as you know, this isn’t always obvious! Children have unique, sometimes quirky preferences, just like the rest of us, but unlike adults, they often lack the self-awareness and communication skills necessary to communicate what’s really going on for them. I’m able to get to the crux of a behavior problem in ways that parents often find difficult in part because of my training and in part because I’m an “empath” when it comes to my relationships with children. Addressing a problem behavior from the child’s point of view is an enriching experience, as not only parents but also their children come away from the process with what they want and need.